I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
