literally had 100 drinks last night.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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