I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
