do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
