He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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