guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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