his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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