This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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