Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
