actually, I'm a sock model
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
