my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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