Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
