Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
