the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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