are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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