So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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