Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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