So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
