Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
