Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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