Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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