I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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