then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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