If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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