the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
