I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
