you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
