I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
