i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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