***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
