you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
