I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
