WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
