I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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