wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
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