Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
