I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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