Life is so much better after having sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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