omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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