There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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