I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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