Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
