I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
