I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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