Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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