he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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