i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize