Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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