It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
