Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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