im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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