Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Randomize
