My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
