i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
