Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
