Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
