By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
