tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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