Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
