so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
