he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Randomize
