dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
