that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
