They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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