You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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