i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
