There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
