I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
