dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
operation have a gay friend backfired
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
